Girl about Town

White - other

2009-05-25T02:59:00.000-07:00

Unele formulare care-si permit consum de hartie detaliaza originea etnica aproape pana la nivelul spermatozoidului. Iar optiunea pe care trebuie sa o bifez eu ma nemultumeste: "White - other".

Lista cu originea etnica arata cam asa:

Asian or Asian British - Bangladeshi
Asian or Asian British - Indian
Asian or Asian British - Pakistani
Asian or Asian British - other Asian Background
Black or Black British- African
Black or Back British - Caribbean
Blac or Black British - other Black background
Chinese
MIxed - White and Asian
Mixed - White and Black African
Mixed - White and Black Caribbean
Mixed - any other mixed backround
White - British
White - Irish
White - any oher white background
Any other
Not known/ not provided

Unele liste au White - Eastern European care arata mai multumitor decat "any other". Asta intr-un formular pentru curs despre egalitate si diversitate. De la inregistrare ma simt cu o sansa si o casuta de bifat in minus.

Provisional Driving Licence

2009-05-18T14:06:00.000-07:00

Aplic online pt. permis de conducere provizoriu si deja am ajuns la intrebarea - Daca mori, vrei sa iti donezi organele? Mai exact: "Doresc sa ma inregistrez ca donator de organe care sa fie transplantate dupa moartea mea." Adica nici n-am terminat inregistrarea, nici n-am pus mana pe volan si deja vor sa-mi ia ficatul? Care nu prea mai e bun, ca am baut in weekend un detzi de Cointreau si o bere.

Testul de vedere l-am trecut rapid. 2 intrebari, 2 butoane radio si gata. Poti vedea numarul de inmatriculare al unei masini de la 20m? Daaaa. Ai avut probleme de vedere vreodata? Nuuu.

Permisul de conducere provizoriu il iei inainte sa inveti sa conduci. Iti dau permisul, iti pui numar de incepator pe masina si ai voie sa conduci insotit de o persoana peste 18 ani care are deja permis de conducere si vede numarul masinii din fatza. Dupa aia dai testul teoretic si practic... Si nici macar nu sunt accidente multe in tara asta. Adica in Romania am vazut mai multe masini bushite pe marginea drumului.

Am si bifat din greseala ca vreau sa fiu donator... Asa sa-mi ajute Virgil Vochina!
Tre' sa trimit si prin posta un formular, iar din cauza ca nu am pasaport englezesc tre sa trimit niste poze tip pasaport semnate pe spate de cineva care ma cunoaste de 2 ani, dar care nu locuieste cu mine la aceeasi adresa. Intr-un fel persoana aia garanteaza ca arati ca in poza si ca esti cine spui. Ma dispera si ma mira sistemul asta. Se merge pe incredere.

"Box A - To be completed by the person signing your photograph and verifying your identity.
• I have known the applicant for ___ years (please state how many, it must be at least two years within the
UK)
• I can confirm it is a true likeness
• I have signed the back of the photograph
• I agree to you undertaking checks"

Cam in genul formularului pt loteria vizelor in Caracal:

Gradul de rudenie cu sotia:

A. Sora
B. Fiica
C. Vecina
D. Matusa

O cumparatura duce la alta

2009-05-14T13:15:00.000-07:00

Mi-am luat inima in dinti si am zis sa folosesc self-checkoutul la supermarket. Am invatat la scoala despre el (sistem informatic cu input si output si alte cuvinte tehnice).

Inca ma mir. Cat de evoluata trebuie sa-ti fie tara ca sa pui self-checkout? Cata incredere tre' sa le acorzi cetatenilor ca sa iti pui self-checkout? Daca te inseala cu semintele si simtamintele vreo pustoaica? Deci mi-am facut curaj si m-am dus la aparat sa-mi scanez singura laptele si ce mai cumparasem. Vorba 'ceea "o cumparatura duce la alta". Mi-am scanat, mi-am pus in plasa cumparaturile, am platit cu cardul si am plecat.

Dar daca de exemplu cumpar o legatura de banane, o pun pe scanner (care este si cantar totodata) si de pe ecran selectez pretul pentru morcovi , ca sa platesc mai putin? Atata vreme cat nu te prinde doamna care este supraveghetoare nu ar fi problema. In zona unde pui produsele in punga mai este un cantar, care cantareste ce pui in punga, iar in cazul in care ceea ce ai scanat e mai usor decat ceea ce ai in punga, probabil te atentioneaza sonor vocea (de exemplu daca ti se incurca sapunul nescanat printre frunzele de patrunjel, cand pui patrunjelul in plasa cu sapun cu tot, cantarul simte ca e ceva mai greu decat s-a scanat). Despre asta nu ne-au invatat la scoala...

M-am uitat acum pe internet si am vazut ca daca masina detecteaza nereguli intre greutatea scanata si cea din punga, alerteaza personalul. In plus au si camere CCTV in magazin si vad ca nu ai avut morcovi.

Am ani 2

2009-03-20T15:32:00.000-07:00

Azi am facut doi ani de stat pe insula. Am sabatorit cu traditionalul biscuit "Hit" by credit crunch si cu traditionala Luminita de la capatul tunelului.

Pana sa ma mai gandesc la alte scenarii pt. pictorial mi-am dat seama ca am rontait fotomodelul. Era ultimul din pachet, traim vremuri grele, deh...

Google Street View of Nenea Mihai

2009-03-20T04:09:00.000-07:00

Google a lansat Street View ieri. Am citit prin ziare nemultumiri ca numerele masinilor nu erau incetosate si nici fetele oamenilor de pe strada. Si asa s-au trezit online un ceatean care vomita in fata unui pub, altul care iesea dintr-un sex shop si altul pe care il aresta politia in nordul Londrei. Dar s-au plans la Google si au fost scoase pozele respective (banuiesc ca au scos toata strada sau macar portiunea cu voma).

In dimineata asta m-am uitat pe vreo doua strazi si am vazut niste femei in pantaloni scurti trecand pe trotuar. O poza cu Tracey cu pantaloni roz daca va place. Mie nu-mi place Tracey.

Mi-am cautat strada unde locuiesc, da nu mi-o arata. Imi arata un loc la vreo 7 kilometri, care n-are nicio legatura. Nu e strada mea. Am vazut si acolo o doamna pe balcon, cred ca isi scotea pernele la aerisit.

M-am mai invartit pe strazi putin, m-am uitat la cer - cativa norisori. Am dat si de un nene Mihai (posibil) care isi spala masina cu o carpa, in fata casei (foto 1). In statia de metrou de langa casa mea un nene (posibil roman cu un card clonat) scoate bani de la ATM, iar altul ar vrea sa fure o bicicleta (foto 2).

Am vazut o caricatura in ziar azi dimineata. Doi insi cu fetele in ceata trec pe langa un stand de ziare unde se anunta lansarea Google Street View. Unul din ei zice ceva de genul (in traducere libera): "Sunt putin in ceata".

De-acum incolo umblam pe strada ca manechinele - cu smile. Bine ca am fost la dentist recent, ca sa fac o figura frumoasa. Banuiesc ca le-a trebuit ceva pana au fotografiat strazile Londrei. Dar serviciul e bun atunci cand cauti o anume adresa, macar stii la ce sa te astepti cand esti la fata locului.

Cristina, daca ai un mesaj de transmis te astept in fata statiei de metrou. Tu mimeaza-mi numa', ca o sa ma prind eu din birou ca iar mancam vegetarian asta seara.

Comic Relief

2009-03-14T02:30:00.000-07:00

Ieri a fost Ziua Nasului Rosu. De dimineata am vazut o fetita cu varful nasucului inrosit, mergea la scoala. Spre seara am citit in ziar ca nu stiu ce vedete si-au dus copiii la scoala purtand nas rosu (si vedeta si copiii). Alte vedete au urcat pe Kilimanjaro si au strans 2 milioane de lire pt. organizatia Comic Relief. Acum doi ani s-au strans 67 de milioane de lire pt. Comic Relief.

In City, angajatii obligati sa poarte costum la lucru ieri au avut privilegiul sa vina imbracati cu blugi, dar au platit 2 lire pt. asta (banii au fost donati Comic Relief-ului). In scoli s-a renuntat la uniforme ieri, din acelasi motiv.

Ma surprind chestiile astea si mereu ma gandesc daca in Romania ar prinde astfel de actiuni. Precis s-ar gasi "deontologi" care ar vorbi de rau toata actiunea. In noiembrie astia au Poppy Appeal - cand toata suflarea (inclusiv imigrantii naturalizati) poarta maci in piept, pe masina, peste tot. O parte din bani (sau poate chiar toti) ajuta veteranii de razboi. In Romania ei chiar ar avea nevoie de ajutor, sa-si cumpere un algocalmin macar. Pentru ca banii abia le ajung de mancare si lumina.

Intreaba-l pe Google, te rog

2009-03-13T06:25:00.000-07:00

Am aflat ca englezii cauta pe motoarele de cautare cu "te rog". Nu toti, dar destui.
De exemplu: "un instalator te rog" "mecanic in nordul londrei te rog". "Te rog" si "Multumesc" sunt cele mai folosite cuvinte pe insula, deci si pe motoare de cautare. Poate google.co.uk te considera lipsit de maniere daca nu folosesti cuvantul. A trebuit sa imi impun sa folosesc te rog pentru orice chichita, chiar si alaturat lui "da". "Vrei zahar?" Nici in 1,000 de ani n-as fi spus "Da, te rog", ci doar "Da." Prima data cand am inceput sa spun "Da, te rog", tocmai ma intrebase cineva daca vreau ceai (cu lapte, care uneori arata ca si apa in care ai spalat vasele si miroase usor a peste, cel putin pt nasul meu). M-am simtit vinovata pentru ca mi se parea ca am indemnat persoana sa mi-l faca mai repede. Adica "Da, te rog" pt. mine insemna "Da, credeam ca ti s-a stricat fierbatorul de nu m-ai intrebat mai devreme si fa bine adauga-mi si cativa stropi de lapte". Da' am intrebat pe cineva si a zis ca e ok sa spui "da, te rog".

Si acum cand cer "un shish kebab, va rog" sunt constienta ca spun cuvantul ala. Inca nu curge de la sine, il aud cand il rostesc. In Romania spuneam "dati-mi doua kile de rosii", fara "va rog". Era politicos si-asa, in capul meu. Si uram cand mi se raspundea "Ai doua de 50?" dupa ce eu cerusem politicos, chiar daca persoana parea mult mai tanara decat mine. Sau uram si mai tare cand auzeam (in Bucuresti am auzit numa'): "dati-mi si mie..." "vreau si io..." Normal ca iti dadeau tie, fara sa te fi bagat in propozitie.

Am la scoala un coleg roman. E cel mai destept din clasa. Mai destept chiar decat profa. Care profa arata ca de pe vremea cand Cobol era tanar.

Mac sau martisor?

2009-03-10T08:20:00.000-07:00

Yeeepeee!
Mamuca, iacata-l aici.

Aici imi arat muschii pixului.

Aici mananc mici pe Tamisa.

Tarzan la volan in The London Paper

2009-03-09T13:35:00.001-07:00

In seara asta in metrou ma uitam prin The London Paper (un ziar gratuit pt. cei care circula cu metroul) si vad la rubrica "Funny Old World" subtitlul "Romania" si cateva cuvinte despre un filmulet numit ceva de genul "Tarzan la volan" care infatiseaza un sofer de camion care danseaza in timp ce conduce, conduce cu picioarele, cu motul de la basca si cu sosetele intzepenite de jeg (astea le-am adaugat eu acum). Am vazut filmuletul saptamna trecuta, dar nu vreau sa il pun aici. Pe fond muzical cu manele vedem un tanar care danseaza mai urat decat maimutele alea din Cartea "Don't-try-to-fool-me-man-cub" Junglei.

Prima reactie a fost sa ma uit pe geamul camionului si am vazut autostrada. M-am gandit ca poate nu e in Romania, ca in Romania nu te tine o manea cat tin toate auostrazile puse cap la cap, ca sa "rulezi" (citat din Virgil Vochina, acel realizator de emisiuni cu voce de-i rupea frana de mana cand spunea in emisiuni: "Din pacate, tanarul de 25 de ani nu a mai ajuns la destinatie") pe ele.

De data asta nu au mai dat o adresa web unde se poate vedea filmuletul. Ultima data cand am vazut o alta trimitere la Romania era cu fata aia disperata "Vreau sa sune telefonul! Am spus ca vreau sa sune telefonul acum!..." dar dadeau si o adresa web unde il puteai vedea.

Saptamana modei la Londra

2009-03-08T13:33:00.000-07:00

Am castigat niste bilete la "London Fashion Week" si m-am si dus. Am crezut ca cine stie ce-o sa vad, poate pe Irina Lazareanu cea Uratica (bine ca spune ca e canadianca, pentru ca altfel ar strica statisticile estetice ale Romaniei). S-a tinut langa Muzeul de Stiinte Naturale care e o cladire de toata frumusetea, ca din Harry Potter.

Aveam un bilet printat, castiga pe siteul timeout.com (in trecut am mai castigat cu ei niste bilete la Burn After Reading, Il y a longtemps que je t'aime). M-am dus cu hartiuta la intrare, tanti aia habar n-avea de Time Out. Altele plateau bilete de intrare - £17.50. Ca sa ma rezolve, au sunat aia ofiterul de presa, a venit doamna si am intrat cumva. Inauntru - ce sa vezi? Standuri cu toale pe umerase, genti si papuci. Ca la targul de locuri de munca, dar cu haine. Cum am ajuns tarziu, am pierdut o parada pe catwalk. Poate aia ar fi meritat. Dupa 5 minute si 5 standuri deja vazusem totul. Am mai stat inca 15 minute si am plecat. Lumea asta a modei e toata o stralucire si-un glamour, dar de fapt dincolo de sclipici e ca la London Fashion Weekend: nimic.

Expozitii

2009-02-26T13:42:00.000-08:00

Marti si miercuri am fost la un eveniment-Techonolgy for Marketing and Advertising, ca sa stau la seminarii in scopuri didactice. Ieri dimineata a fost un seminar de-a lu' Google, despre Google Optimizer. Publicul parasea sala cate unul, cate doua. Dupa ce s-au chinuit sa prinda un loc, stand la coada (intrarea era pe baza de primul sosit, primul servit). Am inteles ca se pleaca de la o prezentare plictisitoare de la nu stiu ce firma, cu slide-uri cu fundal gri, greu de citit, dar si de la Google?

De interes pentru mine au fost discutiile legate de PPC, dar toate despre PPC erau cam aceleasi. Numai prezentarile in PowerPoint si prezentatorii erau diferiti.

Azi, cand am revenit la munca plina de energie si elan, iar am dat ochii peste un cuvant dintr-o campanie (acelasi), cu 1 "impressions", 2 clickuri si CTR 200%. Trebuia sa tin eu o cuvantare la eveniment despre cum - cu efort minim - obtin "conversions" din mucegaiuri si noroi.

Langa sala cu TMA era un alt eveniment - Confex, cu unii care organizeaza conferinte, team-buildinguri si evenimente pentru corporatii. La standul Cehiei se dadea bere gratis, la standul Toscanei se dadea pita cu salam pe gratis, la standul Ungariei m-am intretinut timp de 2 propozitii cu un reprezentant, pana m-am aplecat sa iau un calendar mare cu Budapesta. La standul Olandei am propus sa mergem, ca poate ne dadeau iarba gratis. La standul Thailandei aveau niste scaune care-ti faceau masaj. In plus, toti aveau pixuri personalizate si brosuri.

Doric, ionic si corintic

2009-02-17T13:40:00.000-08:00

Am intrat in concurs, dar nu pt. premiu (presimt ca nu ajung departe cu premiul in valoare de £750), ci de kiki. Acum vad ca au pus poza plus textul meu cu greseli cu tot. Regula e sa fie poze reprezentative pt. Londra.

Poza mea...

Premiul e un voucher de £750 de cheltuit la o expozitie de arta din februarie. Cred ca mi-ar ajunge de-o rama, fara arta din ea.

Despre dintari

2009-02-13T14:08:00.000-08:00

In seara asta am vazut un nene cu un copil intr-o poseta din aia speciala de tinut copiii (ca un cosulet) iesind dintr-un salon de manichiura. E bine sa duci bebelusul la taiat profesioist de unghiute. Cand eram mica tin minte ca incepeam sa urlu cand ma luau la taiat de unghii intr-un colt de camera si le ziceam - "Imi tai carne!!!" "Nu-ti tai carne." Da' pe vremea aia nu gaseai salon de maniciura la orice parter de bloc.

Azi dimineata am fost la dentist (la stat, nu la particulari). Am dat de un doctor cu un aspect foarte nesanatos pt un medic - gras, cosuri din alea purulente pe fatza, de la mancarea condimentata pe care o mananca (pun pariu). Mi-a facut doua radiografii, s-a uitat pe acolo si mi-a zis sa merg la receptie cu hartiile sa-mi faca programare pt sapt viitoare.
La receptie am gasit o brosura cu informatii pt pacienti. In Aprilie 2008 s-au gandit sa reformeze sistemul si au facut 3 praguri de plata (ca sa simplifice toata treaba):

1.primul prag de 16 lire, care include consultatia, radiografii, detartraj si ce iti mai spune medicul la prima consultatie.
2. pragul 2 de 42 de lire care acopera actiunile de la nr. 1 plus plombe, extractii (fara numar) si obturatii pe canal. Toate - fara numar.
3. pragul 3 de 198 de lire care acopera 1 si 2 plus coroane, stifturi, proteze si ce mai e nevoie.

Cei fara venituri, cei sub 18 ani, femeile insarcinate sau cu copil sub 12 luni au tratamente gratuite. Ce m-a mirat a fost ca cei care au venituri mici spre deloc (care beneficiaza de ajutoare sociale) nu platesc nimic, iar pe deasupra li se platesc si cheltuielile de transport ca sa ajunga la dentist. Numai sa ajunga.
Mi s-a parut ceva extraordinar de avansat si de necrezut.

The squirrel

2009-02-09T13:39:00.000-08:00

Am citit un banc tare, de-mi venea sa rad in metrou. Tre' sa-l scriu in engleza pt ca altfel isi pierde tot shpilul:

Why does the squirrel cross the road?
To show his girlfriend that he has guts.

Dintre animalele patriei engleze pe care le intalnim pretutindeni enumeram: veveritele si vulpile. La lucru, in fundul gradinii niste vulpi au vizuina. In firma avem o pisica. In ultima vreme saraca sta numai in casa. Cred ca si-a luat-o pe cocoasa de la vulpi, ca am auzit mi demult niste tipete de pisica ingrozita. De atunci nu mai merge pe-afara, iar daca merge nu se aventureaza prea departe. Vulpile-s precum caini bagabonzi: cauta prin gunoaie si fac tot un ambalaj de unt pe jos.

Parca mi-e dor de nevastuicile alea din teambuilding de la Sovata, care rontaiau cablurile de la masini.

Despre carti

2009-02-07T04:31:00.000-08:00

Mi-a trebuit o vreme pana sa ma prind cum e cu inscrisul la biblioteca. Duci o dovada de adresa (o factura de telefon sau de curent pt ca englezii n-au buletine cu adresa pe ele) si te inscriu. Ai voie sa iei maxim 7 carti o data si le poti tine 3 saptamani. Daca vrei le poti prelungi online - intri pe site-ul "cartierului" si iti prelungesti online termenul cu inca 3 saptamani.

Se intampla ca biblioteca la care esti inscris sa nu aiba cartea pe care o cauti. Partea care ma incanta pe mine e ca in catalogul online poti cauta carti in toate bibliotecile din Londra. Daca gasesti cartea care te intereseaza, poti face rezervare pt. ea si iti este adusa la biblioteca de unde vrei sa o iei. Cam intr-o saptamana ai cartea; pentu rezervare platesti ceva. Acum o saptamana am facut o rezervare pt cartea lui David Ogilvy - "Confessions of an Advertising Man". M-au anuntat pe email ca a ajuns la biblioteca mea. Azi am mers sa o iau de la biblio si m-a costat 50p. Am vazut ca au adus-o de la o biblioteca din celalalt capat al Londrei, din vestul indepartat.

Online au si "wishlist" unde poti aduga titluri, in caz ca nu le gasesti deloc in catalog. Ma gandesc ca poate le cumpara pt. tine. Intr-o tara in care sa cumperi o carte cu £5 sau un album cu £15 nu e un capat de lume.

Cand ne arde focul crizei sub oala

2009-02-06T13:53:00.000-08:00

S-a deschis un restaurant unde platesti cat crezi ca face. Am dat peste un articol in ziar azi. N-am citit cat de curata era buda si cat de meshtera tanti Nutzi de la bucatarie. Dar spre finalul scrierii, autorul zicea ca pentru somon a platit 8 lire, desi in meniu scria 5 si a lasat bacsis 4 lire. Bine, a consumat el mai multe, dar nu ne intereseaza.

Mie-mi plac restaurantele chinezesti unde poti manca atat cat te tine si platesti un pret fix de 5 lire. Nu ca as manca eu nu stiu cat, dar ideea imi gadila placut interiorul stomacului. Intr-un restaurant ca asta poti incerca toate cele 8-10 feluri pe care le au. Anul trecut am fost in Chinatown cu Cristina, am balotat, iar dupa ce am iesit de la restaurant am intrat intr-un magazin alimentar chinezesc sa luam desert. Am nimerit niste pajiturele umplute cu pasta de fasole cu zahar sau ceva de genul. N-am reusit sa citim ce scrie pe eticheta (desi intr-o lista de bloguri cica urmaresc un blog in chineza - China Dialogue), dar le-am cumparat. La pipait erau ca niste tzatze, iar la gust - ca curu', ca sa raman manjita in anatomie.

Charity shop-urile

2009-01-31T05:05:00.000-08:00

Mi-a placut la nebunie ideea, cand am descoperit-o: diferitele organizatii de caritate au retele de magazine prin toata Anglia. Magazinele sunt aprovizionate de catre populatie, cu diverse lucruri: haine, incaltaminte, mobila, cd-uri, carti, jucarii, pahare, tablouri si prostii. In general chestii de bun-simt, care mai pot fi utilizate, nu tricouri patate, rupte sau pantaloni cu fermoarul defect.
Unele sunt noi, cu etichetele din magazine. Nu le-au mai vrut stapanii si le-au adus la charity. Chiar azi am dus o punga cu niste pulovere pe care mi le-a trimis mama din Romania. Sunt tricotate cu mana, mi-s prea mici si nici nu-mi plac. Le-am dus la "charity". Poate cuiva ii vor placea si ii vor fi bune. Avand retea de magazine, cred ca produsele duse in locatia X sunt vandute in locatia Y, ca sa nu te trezesti ca vecina poarta exact rochia la care ai renuntat acum o saptamana.

Din banii facuti din vanzari finanteaza diverse spitale, case de batrani, cercetari medicale pt. scleroza multipla, cancer, dementa etc. Marfa le este asigurata gratis de catre populatie, iar organizatia face o lira, doua, patru pt. fiecare produs vandut. Unii vanzatori lucreaza ca voluntari, fara leafa.

Mi s-a parut geniala ideea si m-a gandit ca ar putea fi aplicata si in Romania. Cu mobila ar fi mai greu, deoarece cred ca romanul isi schimba mobila o data spre deloc in cursul vietii.

Cea ai mare organizatie este Oxfam.
Charity-ul la care merg eu cel mai des este Sue Ryder Care.
Preferata mea este Marie Curie Cancer Care
Au "daffodil appeal": cumperi o narcisa galbena micutza, de pus in piept. Banii de pe narcise se duc la Lacramioarele bolnave de cancer. Sau Sarah ori Tracey.

Masina haioasa

2009-01-23T05:35:00.000-08:00

De ce-mi place Londra, pen'ca e trasnita.

Un CEO de la o companie s-a apucat sa conduca pe strazile londoneze intr-un pat:

Le-am dat papucii diferiti

2009-01-21T03:46:00.001-08:00

Sambata trecuta am fost la magazin sa returnez papucii in marimi diferite pe care mi i-au trimis la o comanda online. Auzisem ca magazinul se cam inchide de tot, dar am ajuns la timp.

Merg cu prietenul care e fire descurcareata, spre deosebire de mine. Ii zic "Stai aici intre rafturi, ca ma ocup eu de asta". I-am intors spatele si m-am indreptat spre casa, sa explic problema. Am explicat, imi zice doamna "Nu vi-i pot schimba, ca nu mai am modelul asta si nu ii pot primi, ca nu-i pot vinde. Trimiteti-i inapoi la adresa de unde i-ati comandat." Io eram gata sa zic "Bine" si sa-mi primesc papucii a doua oara, cand aud o voce cunoscuta si salvatoare, venind din spate care zicea ca vrea cu managerul. Ma gandeam "Aoleu, circ! Si era o pereche unica si frumoasa de sandale". Da' managerul a fost de acord sa imi dea banii inapoi pe ei, fara scandal, fara circuri si amenintari.

Da' imi pare rau ca nu le-am putut schimba. Ca banii se fac, dar sandale ca alea (de preferat marimea 37 ambele), nu mai gasesc...

Austin Powers, Google si altii

2009-01-20T14:28:00.000-08:00

Inceputul e urmatorul: azi a fost prima zi de scoala pe 2009, al doilea curs numit Fundamentals of IT, care logic imi suna ca un prim curs. Nu. Logic a fost sa ma invete CSS, ia acum sa ma invete fundmentals of IT, care-i un fel de teorie generala.
Am tutorita noua, colegi noi. Cu unul dintre ei am fost in echipa azi. De fapt i-am vazut geaca de piele cu autografe pe ea pt ca statea in primul rand. Nu stiu cine a semnat exact, dar erau de la un turneu pe Wembley si aparea si "We will rock you". Deci poate Queen, dar nu e sigur. Poate o sa il intreb intr-o zi.

No bun, in timpul unui exercitiu m-am adunat cu el in echipa, un chinez si inca vo doi cetateni de bine. Am aflat ca Austin Powers al nostru (omul cu geaca ciudata si cu inel de aur in forma de Taj Mahal) are "degree" in biochimie si master in ciuperci. Si ca are parul de pe piept ras (avea maieu pe sub geaca, plus burta) si ii crescusera tuleiele. Masterul in ciuperci m-a dat gata (pe dinauntru, ca nu ma buseste rasul de fata cu lumea). Dar era chiar simpatic, un personaj. Povestea cum i-au trecut niste carti de HTML prin mana, dar erau atat de groase "you know what I mean". Are 44 de ani si vrea a invete IT pentru ca fara IT esti mort in ziua de azi. Numa' el a vorbit 10 minute, chiar daca nu avea legatura cu exercitiul.

Am ajuns tarziu, iar computerul in fata caruia a trebuit sa ma asez nu functiona; ii pusesera o hartiuta intre taste - "nu merge, ne cerem scuze pentru neplaceri". Noroc ca nu am avut nevoie de el. Langa mine s-a asezat un tip care aducea putin cu Samuel L Jackson si mi-a zis ca a vazut filmul "Transylvania" si i-a placut.

Azi am corespondat cu google. Care e un "smart ass" uneori (o sa demonstrez). Iar customer service e la fel ca la Flanco (sa dau un exemplu de companie, nu ca ar fi mai prejos de google, ca nu e).
Saptamana trecuta am facut o adresa pe gmail ca-mi trebuia. Ceva de genul tampenie@gmail.com. Ce-am facut ce n-am facut dupa aia, contul meu de AdWords se logheaza automat in tampenie@gmail.com. M-am uitat in cont sa vad daca pot schimba adresa tampenie@gmail cu adresa_buna@domeniu.co.uk (cea pe care o aveam pana saptamana trecuta). Nu pot. Imi apare primarily email: tampenie@gmail, iar adresa alternativa adresa_buna@domeniu.co,uk pe care o pot sterge numa'. N-am optiune "fa-o adresa principala". Iar in dreptul emailului tampenie@gmail n-am nicio optiune de stergere sau altceva.
Recunosc ca e greseala mea pana aici. Da' zic ia sa il rog pe google sa ma ajute. Caut in Ajutor - nu gasesc nimic. Scriu mail, imi raspunde o doamna si-mi spune pasii pe care tre sa-i fac. Ii fac, nu ma ajuta cu nimic. Ii scriu iar, trimit imagini cu pagina. Imi scrie iar, dar n-am rezolvat nimic, dar mi-a fost lene sa ii mai raspund. Maine dimineata ii mai trimit un set de printscreen-uri. Uite asa am pierdut 6 mailuri din viata si n-am rezolvat nimic.

Acum sa demonstrez de ce ma enerveaza Google uneori pentru ca e prea istetz. Adwords - reclame text pentru un dispensar particular care ofera consultatie si prescriere de retete ( printre altele).
1. N-ai voie sa folosesti "prescriere" in reclame pe google pentru ca trebuie sa ai "pharmacist ID" verificat. Ceea ce mi se pare foarte normal, ca sa nu vanda oricine medicamente pe internet. Da in cazul asta nimeni nu vrea sa vanda medicamente.

2. Mai nou gugal a inceput sa faca urat si la "smart lipo" care e o metoda noua de liposuctie cu laser. Se trezeste sa-mi spuna ca sunt interzise reclamele la produsele pe baza de "ephedrine". Ce? Dar cine are asa ceva? Culmea ca la doua reclame asemanatoare cu "smart lipo", numai pe una n-o place.

3. Swarovski - este marca inregistrata, dar Jonathan Saunders are o colectie de bijuterii pentru "Atelier Swarovski", lucreaza cu cristale deci e indreptatit sa i se faca reclama. Si nu poti sa ceri sa faca exceptie si pace buna.

Si multe alte exemple... o mai da si gugal cu stangu-n dreptu', ca tot omu'...

There is a God

2009-01-10T05:53:00.000-08:00

A while ago I was praying this:

"This evening's prayer:

Good Lord, give us gas, but make sure it does not come from the Russian pipe. If You can't find any other resources I can do without gas. I could use frozen food and the microwave for my entire life.
Tonight we'll see how it is without central heating: we'll put an extra pullover on. Tomorrow pity us with some gas, but not from Gazprom. Amen."

... and God listened to me and stopped gas from Gazprom. But in my prayers I had in mind the month of July, not December-January with all this global warming, when temperatures go below -10 degrees.

*******

Se spune ca tre' sa ai grija ce-ti doresti pentru ca s-ar putea sa ti se indeplineasca. Numa' ca ar fi bine daca s-ar indeplini in iulie, cand afara-s 40j de grade.

Mi-au dat papucii diferiti

2009-01-03T06:56:00.000-08:00

Am comandat online (ca sa scap de umblatul prin magazine; in societatea asta de consum nu-i chiar o placere sa te bati de 258 de persone intr-un magazin, unele mirosind a transpiratie, iar muzica din incinta sa-ti sparga urechile) o pereche de sandale. Le-am primit la timp, dar cand am deschis cutia am vazut ca una e marimea 4 (37), iar cealalta e marimea 7(40).

M-am uitat pe comanda din pachet sa vad, n-am selectat eu bine masura? Am selectat-o corect: 4. Am presupus ca se ia in considerare pt. ambele sandale. Factura este si ea calcata in picioare si cu urme de incaltaminte pe ea. Mi se pare normal, doar am comandat incaltaminte, nu corector pt. birou.

Tot in spiritul Craciunului, am comandat (tot online) niste manusi de la "M and S" care se tine firma serioasa. Am selectat si impachetare cu hartie de cadou care ma costa vo 2 lire. Primesc manusile intr-o punga de plastic in care mai era o punga de plastic. Pune-te pe scris mail si intrebat care e hartia de cadou din toate pungile alea. Cica nu este. Imi returneaza banii dati pe hartie.

Eu, vulpea si-un kebab de pui

2008-12-20T04:37:00.000-08:00

Intr-o seara veneam de la lucru, moarta de foame. Am intrat in kebab shop din colt. Am ales o optiune din meniul de deasupra tejghelei - chicken shish. Dupa cat imi era de foame, am ales kebabul care se facea cel mai greu. Nu mai puteam refuza puiul din momentul in care era deja pe frigare. Intre timp am conversat cu turcii de acolo comparand cuvinte comune: "mushterie" si "cioban".

In cele din urma mi-am luat pachetul si am pornit spre casa. Cred ca eram ca veveritza din "Ice age". Daca cineva ar fi incercat sa-mi ia mancarea, m-as fi luptat pentru ea. Pe strada noastra ea o vulpe in mijlocul drumului. Vie. Locul asta e plin de vulpi. Seara vin din padurici si cotrobaie prin gunoaie. Daca s-ar fi dat la puiul meu as fi strigat "Banzai!" si as fi luptat pentru ultimul cerculetz de ceapa din kebab. La un moment dat s-a retras vulpea intr-o curte si m-a lasat in pace. Dar ma asteptam sa sara din bezna si sa-mi fure pachetul. Ma vedeam luptandu-ma, transformandu-ne intr-o sfera de blana si stofa, care se rostogoleste pe asfalt.

Frig, frig...

2008-12-13T03:52:00.000-08:00

Ni s-a stricat centrala saptamana asta. Luni. Ingineru' care tre' s-o repare a zis ca vine numai vineri. Pana vineri am rabdat un frig ca pe vremea cand "era mai bine pe timpul lui Ceausescu".

Stateam in pat ca o ceapa, cu 10 foite de bluze si camasi pe mine. Abia asteptam sa ajung in metrou, la inghesuiala si caldura.

Mergam spre casa seara cu un entuziasm de nedescris. Intr-o seara am vazut pe trotuar o domnisoara cu sandale cu nestemate pe ele. Imi venea sa merg sa-i dau doua palme, ca s-o trezesc sa stie cat e calendaru'. Si precis avea caldura acasa.
La vara o vom vedea cu cizme, cand afara sunt 30 de grade.

Body Worlds

2008-11-22T13:18:00.000-08:00

What I like about London is that it always has something new to offer or places to explore. Today I have been to the O2 arena to see some real dead bodies. In flesh and bone, literally.

The bodies are preserved through plastination by a doctor called Gunther, who also signed my life certificate which was handed as we walked out (if you survive the exhibition, you are giving a life certificate).

The exhibition has preserved bodies of some mortals who signed some agreements that they want their body to be used for scientific purposes or who knows for what other dark desires (we live in the same world as Fritzl after all; so I am not sick to think about the worst, I am realistic). The exhibition started with some small embrios. Then we moved to the next room and there was a lady with a baby in the womb, with all organs and inside things in view. I saw the fat tissue that composes the breasts. It's all fat (no silicone), I now, but I never saw some really nude breasts. So nude they had the skin off. I could have touched her, but I don't like to touch dead bodies, even if they are plastinated. And we were not supposed to touch them, anyway. I could see the nails, the teeth, the eyes...

I think I went pale but then I got used to it. After the pregnant woman followed a basketball player, a painter (a skinned body with muscles and bones in view, with a brush in one hand). What I could not watch for too long was a skinned man holding his own skin on a hand, like one would hold a coat (picture).

In a different room, when I saw a man riding a horse and holding his brain in one hand I was thinking - Ok with the man, but what did they have against the horse?

In there I had the impression that I could smell formol and dead bodies. I kept asking people - can you smell something? No. It was not smelly, but I could smell something. Death maybe.

Anyway, it was a good anatomy lesson.

I hate underground suiciders as much as they hate themselves

2008-11-14T13:27:00.000-08:00

Travelling on London tube at 9 am may not be a pleasant experience. The platforms are crowded and 3 minutes between 2 trains are meaningful in this sense. If trains arrived every minute (sometimes this happens, but sometimes not) than the amount of people would be acceptable. If the next train arrives 3-4 minutes later this means we have a crowded train in the morning. Not as crowded as in Japan, though. This is Europe, London Underground employees don't wear gloves.

Ok. It's 9 am, we already are in a crowded train where people read free newspapers or put mascara on their eyelashes or listen to music. More people get in than get off for about 8-10 stations. Then at the right station, where you have to get off you become free. Free to walk and to follow the crowd to a different line which is supposed to take you to work. Then you hear a voice announcing "Beause of a person under a train, there are severe delays on the Jubilee Line".
That person just chose to die at 9 am on a Monay morning on te Jubilee Line. Don't they get e-mails with cheap Valium and Viagra offers, do they? A posh (because it is in French) way to end your business is to drink "Vert de Paris". Or if you are on a budget suicide - try Domestos or Tesco Limescale Remover (the blue one).

Apart from pissing the city off with your death, some suiciders also destroy the life of the poor train driver. Some of the drivers never get back to work, after they see the person on the lines looking them in the eyes just before being turned into tomato soup. It's not easy for the driver and I can understand that. It's like you are a cleaner and someone commits suicide with your mop, in front of you. Or you work online and someone blows his brains on your Internet connection. You can't get back there: you change provider and notebook and never mop again.

If you are a future suicider and are reading this, you might want to consider the alternatives I mentioned and start using them on a Sunday evening while people are watching "Desperate Housewives". If you have chutzpah and want to feel you're dying, this way you will stay away from trains on Mondays.

Poppy Appeal

2008-11-12T00:13:00.000-08:00

Last year I started seeing people with red flowers on their coats. Men and women, youngsters and old alike. After the 10th man I asked google to see what it meant. They wear poppies "lest we forget"; so that they don't forget about their war heroes and veterans.

Yesterday it was Remembrance Day which does not seem anything to me, but to them it means a lot. BBC has a lot of programs about wars and heroes and veterans in November.

I promise to wear the martzishor in March. That means something to me.

Being different in London

2008-11-02T14:13:00.000-08:00

What I like in London is that people can dress however they like and nobody will comment in the streets about that (or worse, shout at them).

One evening I was going to a party in a club and on Regent Street I saw a bunch of happy girls, all dressed in pyjamas and wearing fluffy slippers. Some of them were holding teddy-bears. They made my evening. I couldn't stare because being stared at is something the Brits hate (if I believe what I have read on the Internet once).

Last Thursday I was in the tube station waiting for my train and there were two women dressed as witches. One of them had a greenish face which stroke me as odd, because I am used to see women with orange faces (thanks to the tanning beds). So - orange, yes. But green? I was thinking maybe green is the new orange. But no. They were heading to a Halloween party, I decided. But nobody was whispering or laughing behind their back. Maybe everyone else has an opinion, they like or dislike the way somebody is dressed, but nobody makes you feel uncomfortable in the street with loud comments and laughter. In Western countries I think they accept more the fact that people are different, so they dress different, they have different haircuts, hair colours or no hair at all. On the other hand, the herd spirit is found here as well: all women who wear their bags on an erectile arm to give just one example.

Pap test for mammies

2008-11-02T13:16:00.000-08:00

I can't tell women how important is to have a pap test. The other day I got on tube to take me home and I opened a newspaper I found there. And I came across a page with a title like "How I discovered I have cervical cancer". Not the article I wanted to read about, being in a similar situation. It's like your period is late and all you see in the street are pregnant women and mums with babies in prams.

Luckily I discovered the abnormal cells early and I might not die right now. And it all started with a Pap test.

"The Papanicolaou test (also called Pap smear, Pap test, cervical smear, or smear test) is a screening test used in gynecology to detect premalignant and malignant processes in the ectocervix. Significant changes can be treated, thus preventing cervical cancer. The test was invented by and named after Georgios Papanikolaou, but was also independently invented by Aurel Babeş.

The UK's call and recall system is among the best; estimates of its effectiveness vary widely but it may prevent about 700 deaths per year in the UK. A medical practitioner performing 200 tests each year would prevent a death once in 38 years, while seeing 152 women abnormal results, referring 79 for investigation, obtaining 53 abnormal biopsy results, and seeing 17 persisting abnormalities for more than two years. At least one woman during the 38 years would die from cervical cancer despite being screened." (Wikipedia)

101 things to do before I die (reloaded)

2008-11-02T12:57:00.000-08:00

1. Make soap bubbles at least once
2. Go and see the muddy volcanoes in Romania
3. Write a book
4. Get permanent residence in the UK
5. Go on a beach with turquoise sea
6. Get a pet (e.g. a cat)
7. Make 2 children
8. Learn to cook better
9. Get a driving licence
10. Love and be loved like at 20
11. Go to a beauty parlour once
12. Touch a dolphin
13. See a Shakespearean play in English
14. Re-visit Praid salt mine
15. Go to a Guns n' Roses concert (I hear they re-unite without Slash for some concerts)
16. Wear skirts more often
17. Go to church at least once a month
18. Ride a horse
19. Play "Guitar Hero"
20. Read Jan Kott's - "Shakespeare our contemporary?"
21. Go to a real football match (i.e. Steaua-Middlesborough, Arsenal-Chelsea, FCK Moskova-Manchester United, FC Birmingham - FC Warwick, Nicovala Sighisoara - Avantul/Prabusirea Reghin)
22. Make subtitles for Romanian historical movies like "Dacii si Romanii", "Vlad Tepes" and many more. I have seen some pieces from "Vlad Tepes" on youtube and I think it was a great film. Also Dacii si Romanii can equal any modern s*** like "300" and any other film they make in Photoshop or similar applications.

(to be continued)

I bought a bottle to make bubbles, made about 50 in the back yard and another 8 in the room. The bottle is still at hand if I fancy bubbles again on a sunny day. (And I will).

Catch Up episode

2008-10-16T15:01:00.000-07:00

Catch up with the things I have done last weekend and how I can look myself in the mirror again.

I had two Italian classes so far. The other students are well in their 40s or late 50s. I like to hang out with young people...

Stay tuned, I'll go and grab the ink-pot.

Hell is paved with good intentions

2008-09-28T12:01:00.000-07:00

Today I wanted to make an apple pie, because I found some abandoned cooking apples in our kitchen. They are so sour, nobody wants to use them, not even to make an apple-scented shampoo or something. So I bought some pastry which had to defrost in the sun, near the rusty vice from the back yard.

In the meantime - Dickensian enough - the gas in the house stopped because the gas card needs being topped up. It's like the pre-paid phone cards. You pay - you use. No pay - no pie.

10 minutes earlier I remembered my pastry forgotten in the dark, outside near the rusty good old vice. I had to put it in the fridge again.

This evening's prayer:

Good Lord, give us gas, but make sure it does not come from the Russian pipe. If You can't find any other resources I can do without gas. I could use frozen food and the microwave for my entire life.
Tonight we'll see how it is without central heating: we'll put an extra pullover on. Tomorrow pity us with some gas, but not from Gazprom. Amen.

Oh, so... Soho!

2008-09-28T02:53:00.000-07:00

I've been out to a club last night, in Soho. First time I heard about Soho in Mr. Sfariac's course at university. He told us about customers sipping their cocktails in Soho bars. It was the British culture and civilisation course. He told us about political parties, newspapers etc. but I only remember the light and useless stuff. Anyway, if vampires suck blood, Brits sip a cocktail. And then another one. And then another one.

I first been to Soho last year with Marian, a friend. He took me to a thai restaurant. We had a place near the window, so that I could watch passers-by while sipping my onion-and-cockroach soup (or whatever scorpio they boil in thai cuisine). And I saw a man and then looked further to see his appendix and it was another man. They were hand in hand. Which is always a nice gesture, but I was not used to see 2 men doing it. They were not sipping cocktails as I was taught, but who knows what were they up to later that evening.

So, last night I got there a bit earlier (it means I got there on time) but I had to wait for my friends who were late. The club was full with young ladies wearing dresses and sequin bags and high-heeled sandals like they were at the opera, not in a dark crowded place where they drink and retch. Besides, high heels, alcohol and square pavement in the streets are not a recommended combination if you ask me.

I met a guy from Moldova. I like the way they talk, the words they use. A Romanian would never use those words, we have updated versions. The language they speak seems to me like it has been frozen for 50-100 years and now it came to life again with all those archaic words. I pity them because politically they want to be with us Romanians (at least somebody in this world wants us), but corrupt communist politicians in their country don't.

We gossiped a bit about Russians, he told me war stories he heard about Russian "heroes".
Someone told him that in 1980 during the Olympics in MosCow, for Russia to make a good impression in the world, they filled the shops with everything, especially food. People felt like in heaven for a week.
In the north of Russia if you throw out of the window some hot tea, it will freeze until it hits the ground. That is why I prefer the sink to throw away unwanted liquids, niet chiuveta (rakovina). But who could understand them?

Today's prayer:
Dear God, I am happy in Soho it is warmer than in Russia. And I don't want Russians in Soho, either. Please, God, keep them away of the European Union and make our borders thicker, to resist their tanks if necessary. Amen.

A memorable first day

2008-09-24T05:38:00.000-07:00

September 17th was my first day at work. And I made it a day to remember. Or better - they made it a day to remember.

In the morning, I was almost late because in the tube station at Nothing Hill Gate they stopped us for about 5 minutes, I don't know the reason.We were not allowed to go to the platform and I was to far to hear the explanations. Finally I made it.

In the evening I took the tube to take me to the Central Line. I changed trains and got a central line one and after 5 minutes the train stopped in a station and the driver said that there is a signal failure and we will depart as soon as that is fixed. So I waited for about half an hour. Then I decided to got off the train. In the station there were a lot of policemen, I don't know what they were doing. They could have signalized one every 100m - if the system is not reliable - and the train could have departed.

I asked at the station what bus could take me home and the driver said "W14" and for a couple of seconds I could not figure out what number was "W". My mind was repeating "double u fourteen", I could see the 1 and 4 but W was not in the group of natural numbers.
So I decided to take a bus which would take me closer to home. I waited 45 minutes for a convenient one.

On its way, a man got on and the driver told him something like to get off, because he was last night with a woman and I don't know what the problem had been.The man went: "I beg your pardon?"The driver went: "You were with a woman last night and you got on and [I don't know what he said, because English is a foreign language to me]"The man: "I beg your pardon? I am with no woman. I am single."If I had been him, I would have added: "I masturbate" or "I am abstinent" for a complete picture. I mean I wanted the problem solved and more evidence was needed for that. Oral evidence. Finally they made peace, the driver apologized and the show ended to my disappointment.

The bus's destination changed on our way, so instead to take us closer to home, we had to get off one tube station away. And I waited there for another 30-40 minutes for a second bus. Then I walked home and finally got there. It took me 3 hours to get home. Usually it takes me 1 hour to travel from work to home.